Canada Daze

         With this being the Canada Day long weekend (except for those of us too slow or too far down the corporate ladder rungs to have booked the Friday off) it is time to reflect on what it is to be Canadian. This is easier said than done considering Canada is comprised of people so diverse; we barely understand each other, even when we’re all talking English.  Just picture a conversation between a Quebecois English as a Second Language student and a resident of Tops’l, Newfoundland, my dear bride’s birthplace (and not the dark, fiery bowels of Hades, as I have previously alluded.) Newfoundlander;  “So where y’ to, b’y?”
French-Canadian ESL student; “Uhhhhhh...”
Both of these people are as Canadian as beaver-tail-on-a-stick with a maple syrup dip and yet they are so different.
Or, take, for example, the modern day Inuit person, balanced precariously between their old ways and the new. Consider the Inuit family out shopping at the Wal-Mart in Tuktoyaktuk for an ice floe for Grandma’s retirement. They understand that clinging to the traditional way of life is great but when your dogsled has a flat or whatever, to be able to call for help with a satellite cell phone is kind of cool, too. How different is that Inuit person’s life experiences from that of the sturdy Saskatchewan farmer surprised by a flood in a province as flat as a map of itself? A glass of water spilled by a careless child would spread across the entire province and the poor farmer is shocked when his cattle doing the backstroke in the spring storms.
And yet, these too are Canadians, just as much as an Arrapaho/European pirate in Flin Flon, Manitoba (known as the “Arr Metis”), or a hermitically sealed trapper in the Yukon avoiding both humanity and PETA activists, (you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a PETA activist), even, yes I know, it’s tough for me to admit too, the metro-sexual man-about-town in Toronto.  So what can we say about what it is to be a Canadian when no two are alike?
The answer is that each of them holds certain attitudes and beliefs that are shared by all; whether you’re a Muslim mechanic in Lac La Biche, Alberta or a PEI potato producer, we all think and feel about some subjects the exact same way. Here are but a few:
We, as Canadians, feel we are blessed with great wealth; in resources and in opportunity but none of the political parties can be trusted to manage them effectively. The Conservatives cater to corporations, the NDP cater to wingy weirdos and the Liberals cater to the, well... Liberals.
We, as Canadians, tolerate this political situation because we are fairly unpolitical and refuse to spend time talking about and worrying about something we have no control over. So we talk about the weather instead.
We, as Canadians, are proud of our armed forces; the courageous men and women off in war zones fighting for... uh... for... uh... well, none of us are really sure but, by gum we’re proud of the soldiers that have to do it.
We, as Canadians, hate Canadian produced television unless it involves hockey or curling. We especially hate watered down Canadian versions of successful American shows like “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” which was “Who Wants To Be A Toaster Owner?”
We, as Canadians, care a great deal about our land and our environment and would do anything to maintain the fragile eco-system, other than pay more in taxes or fuel.
We, as Canadians, think the World Cup of Soccer would be better if it was played on ice in an arena with sticks and pucks. We might actually get to compete.
We, as Canadians, think money invested in amateur sports is wasted... until we win. We, as Canadians, love our coffee. But we go to Tim Horton’s anyway.
We as Canadians, think nothing of driving hundreds of miles for any reason.  We would drive the equivalent of the length of England to go for beers with a buddy,  (that’s like to Banff and back). Mind you, we also drive the three blocks to the health club.
We, as Canadians, appreciate extremes in climate from the desert conditions of Dinosaur National Park (named for Prime Minister Harper’s inner circle) to the rainforests of British Columbia (Tourism slogan, “Woah... Dude, check out these trees...”) from the mighty frozen northland, home of the polar bear, the midnight sun and Honest Oktook’s 24 hour Solar Powered Tanning Salon and Grill to southern Ontario with its lush fruit regions, horrendous heat waves and a humidex count in the hundreds. We’ve got mighty mountains and great big seas. We’ve got every kind of climate you could wish for yet we go to the US for holidays ‘for something a little different.’
But the thing we, as Canadians all have, whether we moved here or were born here, we are Canadian because we have ID proving it.  Our membership in this nation boils down to a piece of government paper; a tiny sliver of the Great Ball of Red Tape that runs the country. How Canadian!