A Graduation Situation

     Last Saturday was a big day for my buddy Pete, whom I’ve known since Grade 5. I have referred to him in this space often; even, occasionally, in a kindly way. Pete, along with his bubbly missus, Roxanne, were proudly watching the graduation ceremony of their youngest daughter; the radiantly beautiful and sweet Shelby.
Given that, once more, I was not considered for the role of “keynote speaker” at her graduation (Or any others. Ever. The blackguards. Good thing I’m not bitter.), I would like to share some insights into the phase of life these young folks are now entering based on my observations, convictions and crap I’ve just made up.  Here then, for Shelby and all her fellow graduates across this great land, are pearls of wisdom to base the rest of your life upon. Or not.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up. I’m almost fifty and I still have no idea. The problem is with the “growing up” part. I’ve seen what it does to people. It’s not pretty. Look what it did to Nick Nolte.
As comfy as home is, it’s time to move out.  Don’t worry that there are no jobs to be had and rent is astronomical and transportation costs for those cursed with youth are absurdly expensive. Just get out. We parents know you’ll be back in no time anyway, but at least if you get out right away, you’ll appreciate home so much more. You might even start helping out a bit.
You can be anything you want to be. That is, if your parents are rich and generous, and you’re actually smart enough and talented enough to do what you want to do. No? Sucks to be you then. Can you say “Would you like that upsized?”
Don’t be in a hurry to get married. No matter how old you get.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch... unless you’re gorgeous with an incredible body or are a politician.Networking is great to increase your social base and possibly establish business contacts. But beware of social networking websites. Having pictures of your drunken parties posted on your profile page can be problematic for potential employment and/or parents you told you were just spending a quiet evening doing homework over at her friend’s house.
If you work for a small company, expect to spend years establishing a reputation and paying your dues.  You will get the worst shifts and lousiest pay. This is also true if you work for a big company.
Avoid “get rich quick” schemes. I will say, however, that the poor fellow with all his money in Nairobi, needing help to get it out, sounded legit.
Everyone is normal until you get to know them. Always allow for other people’s foibles since we have to tolerate yours. You can make an exception for people who spit when they talk. Ewww! It’s okay to be without your cell phone sometimes and talk to people face to face. I know that sounds kind of old fashioned but you might like it if you try it a few times. It may be awkward at first but don’t give up. You’ll get the hang of it eventually.
Now that you’re out of school, it’s okay to wear warm clothes outside in winter. Watching young people walking to school without any gloves or headgear whatsoever gives me shivers worse than one of Cupcake’s lectures.  I can appreciate you didn’t want to wreck your ‘do that you’d spent over an hour creating, but ears lost to frostbite aren’t pretty, either. What if you need glasses some day? How will you keep them up?
Don’t be in a hurry to have children. Just remember how rotten you were. If you weren’t rotten, don’t forget it skips a generation sometimes.
Eat properly. Good nutritional habits developed young can stick with you, much like Nanaimo bars. Sadly, it is too late for me and I am condemned to eating unhealthy, processed food which is chock-a-block full of enough salt to attract cattle as well as other tasty ingredients such as sodium erythorbate, whatever the heck that is.  You’ll be better off to stick with foods that have only one ingredient; “carrot”, for instance, or “lettuce”.
Start thinking about fibre. It’s never too early. Oh yeah, and retirement.
Get plenty of exercise. Just remember while you’re out there playing hockey or football or extreme rocket-boarding with your young, bulletproof bodies, that you’ll need those same bodies when you’re older.     You won’t need pictures to make you think of the good old days. The aches in your body, wherever you had a major owie; broken arm, dislocated shoulder, reattached leg, etc. will remind you of those carefree times for the rest of your life.
And most importantly, don’t take advice from strangers.
Good luck, Shelby!