Ideas from the Think Tank

          Last week saw the end of the G8 and G20 meetings in the latest international G spot, Toronto, with the expected damage to public property and finger pointing at who is to blame for the mess. I think the buck has to stop with whoever decided to have a major terrorism target party in an enormous monstrosity of a city complete with plate glass windows. But the burning question remains - if having it in a major metropolitan area is stupid, irresponsible and unduly expensive, then where does it make sense to have it? To help answer that question, I contacted researchers at the Loco World Group International Issue Think Tank, also known as Jeff’s Bar where solving the world’s problems over a refreshing beverage is a popular pastime. Here are the alternatives that the Think Tank experts arrived at, complete with pluses and minuses of each choice. They are ranked in descending order.
Choice Number 6: Tuktoyktuk, Northwest Territory
+ Not as many buildings for rioters to damage.
+ Not as many rioters.
- Not as many anything.
+ Cuts down on the pesky streakers if held in winter.
+ Paul McCartney’s busy on the other side of the country trying to stop the seal hunt.
- Limos look stupid with a snowmobile escort.
- Polar bears make off with the guys in the back of the photo op.
Choice Number 5: Foam Lake, Saskatchewan
+ At least you’re not in Tuktoyaktuk.
+ You can see protestors coming from miles away.
- Protestors can see you from miles away.
- The store closes at six p.m., even on Friday nights.
+ It already has a lake. You don’t have to spend 300 million dollars to build one.
+ Delegates could tour Super Dave Osborne’s sealskin binding factory.
+ Cheap tax-free smokes at nearby native reserves.
+ Nothing much else ever happens in Foam Lake, Saskatchewan.
Choice Number 4: In the middle of the Atlantic
+ No buildings to damage.
- The golf course has too much water.
- Extremely expensive to do pre-summit cleanup of entire ocean.
+ No homeless people to displace and then catch flak for from bleeding hearts.
+ NATO helicopter gunships can pick off Greenpeace activists claiming they thought they were Somali pirates blown off course.
+ It isn’t Foam Lake, Saskatchewan.
Choice Number 3: Millet, Alberta
+ They could really use a 300-million-dollar  lake.
+ Close to Wetaskiwin’s Auto Mile for convenient delegate car shopping.
- Hostile press.
-  Not much loot for looters locally, although there is decent pillaging in Edmonton a mere 40 kilometres north.
+  Easy to spell.
+  Hard for protestors and terrorists to find on a map.
-  Hard for ANYONE to find on a map.
Choice Number 2: Saint John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador
- Takes way too long to type.
+ Nice oceanfront location to make it easy to catch crabs.
+ And lobsters.
+ Locals can’t complain to the international press because they wouldn’t understand them.
+ Newfoundlanders are well known for their hospitality, friendliness and screech.
-  Half the delegates will get their travel bookings screwed up and end up in Saint John, New Brunswick.
- Premier Danny Williams will have to be on national TV again.
- Paul McCartney will show up.
Choice Number 1: Teleconferencing
+ No security issues since you’re not creating a target for terrorists by having all the G20 leaders in one place at one time. The biggest threat is “technical difficulties”.
+ If they want to play golf together, the world leaders could all just buy a Wii each and play online.
+ They can photo shop the photo op.
+ The cost to put on the summit would be about the same as the value of the decisions rendered.
+ News agencies could focus on the issues and not the activities of extremists which are always so much more interesting and newsworthy than the actual summit.
+ The almost-500 dollars spent by the Canadian Government for every man, woman and child in the country could have been put to so much better use... like returned to our personal bank accounts.
+ Saves so much money, nations could fund the promises they make at the meetings.
           So the verdict is in. Let’s tell the world leaders to stay home and go “tweet” themselves. Twitter is so aptly named for a world summit, don’t you think?