I'm A Bad Guy!

Man oh man, I am so excited! I couldn't be more energized if I'd just jammed a knife into the toaster. I am so looking forward to the Calmar Fair that is coming up on August 15th. The reason I am twitter-pated about the fair isn't the humungous garage sale extravaganza with tables lining all three blocks of downtown Calmar or the many other entrepreneurial opportunists with tables on their yards. Nor is it the parade or the "Show and Shine" or the ball games or the bench show or the dunk tank or even the beer gardens (Yes, even the beer gardens!). The reason for my excitement stems from the old fashioned melodrama The Calmar Prairie Players are performing that day and, get this; I get to be the bad guy!

The play is a melodrama called "Calamity in Calmar or Dark Doings at the Finley Farm", and it features a hero to be cheered (YAY!) a damsel in distress to be sad for ("AWWWW!") and me, the evil, heartless, wicked villain. (BOO!) (No, I don't play a Bernie Madoff.) There is also the damsel's poor, aged mother who has a terrible saskatoon cordial addiction and a sordid past, a Communities in Bloom operative hot on the trail of fresh fertilizer, as well as an assortment of many other oddball characters.

In the production, written especially for the Calmar Prairie Players by Paula Bosse, I play Percival Portobello, a man who is, not only an evilly malevolent psychopath, but also not very nice at all. Portobello is single-minded in his pursuit of the Finley family farm so he can subdivide it into condominium developments, even if he has to kill farmer Finley, marry his daughter and run her ma off the property in order to do it. His total lack of regard for scruples or principles makes it obvious, if he wasn't in real estate, he would have surely have been in politics.

The reason I am thrilled about the role is that up to now, I have always been cast as a "bumbling fool" sort of character; sometimes even in theatre. Now I get to let loose and go over the top with a totally different performing face on; that of a bad guy! After all, who has more fun than bad guys? They practically invented the phrase, "Mwahahahahaha!" Good guys, however, have no sense of tee hee at all.

Let's use Batman, as an example. Like all the rest of the square-jawed hero set, this good guy is a rather humourless, intense sort of fellow. Even in the campy 1960's version, The Caped Crusader never cracked a smile, no matter how corny his line. Neither did Robin, come to think of it. And as unsmiling and grim as that Batman was, more recent movie incarnations show an even darker spirited person; an individual about as warm and cheery as, say, head lice. Let's face it; when Batman is at work, he laughs about as much as a funeral director.

On the other hand, who’s doing all the laughing? The Joker, The Riddler, even King Tut. And who can forget The Penguin's trademark cackle? True, it does sound an awful lot like someone clearing their sinuses, but at least he and his hired thugs have fun on the job.

Guffawing bad guys aren't limited to Batman comics, either. I'm not just talking about Superman's foe, Laugh-a-Minute Lex Luthor, or the myriad of mirthful arch enemies Spiderman faces constantly. (Ol' Spidey seems to have more foes than Kim Jong-Il). Us bad guys have always laughed throughout recorded history, in literature and performing arts. From Shakespeare’s time and before, the evil were a cheery lot. This was reinforced on the silver screen in the dawn of movie history to present day cinematic creepsters, (Austin Powers' Doctor Evil springs to mind) bad guys have always laughed more than a talk show host's sidekick.

But that's not all. There are other reasons being a bad guy rocks. For one thing, folks that are evil incarnate are usually quite well-to-do. That's how they can afford henchmen and a secret hideout. Even better, they always have awesome looking women around them... Gorgeous women... Bad women... Oh yeah… Sorry, where was I? Oh right, I was being bad! Mwahahahahaha!

The shows are at the Calmar Ball Diamonds, or, as we called it in my slow-pitch days, "Brewski Park" at 1:00, 3:00 and 5:00 and the cost is free, although be prepared for a hat being passed.
In the cast with me are Richard Jackson as Tom, the Hero, Jennifer Moore as the fair Fiona Finley, Cindy Thornton as The Widder Finley (also known as Diamond Gert!), Tammy Bateman as Pat Schmidt the Communities in Bloomer, Gloria Wilson in her debut appearance with the Calmar Prairie Players as Mrs. Bricco, the stuffy restaurateur and Prairie Player Angela Jahnke in a dual role. There are also cameo appearances by Sharon Shudra of SS Office Services, Rudy Seneca and Scouter Bob with his entourage consisting of Kamil and Gabriel Bitar.