The Karma Kid

Two The majority of us have them; two annoying avatars of behaviour modification that reside on our shoulders. One is an angel, guiding us to be the good, kind, decent people most only think they are. It encourages us to hold open doors for grannies, sign up to sponsor a World Vision child/village/third world country or shovel your neighbour's sidewalk. This angel goes by a number of names, including 'Restraint', ' Generosity', and 'Whatta sap!' I don't know about you but mine goes AWOL occasionally...

On shoulder ' B' is the other little dude that, instead of the ' halo, wings and harp' ensemble favoured by its 'Goody-Two-Shoes' counterpart, wears goat horns, a pointy tail and has skin colour that can only be gotten by being devilish or laying too long on a sunny beach.

He's the guy whispering in my ear to have another beer, stand up to Cupcake when I should just sit down and shut up, or suggest I eat an entire gigantic bag of potato chips with a huge tub of onion and garlic dip. His name is Temptation and unlike his partner, Restraint, is never, ever absent.

Most are well acquainted with these two competing sprites, but there is also that other guy. The scary one dressed in judge' s robes. The one we call Karma.

Karma is the only creature known to man that lives on irony. The way Karma works is this; if I listen closely to the angelic entity whispering in my ear, generally, good things happen in return.

However, if I live my life allowing my demonic side (oh, come on, we all have one) free rein, bad things follow like a bad smell. Your behaviour needn't be all that evil for Karma to sneak up and kick you in your ironic pants.

I have a case in point. Last weekend, Cupcake and I were working outside; giving the weeds a whack job, putting the blade to the grass, sprucing up the trees, that sort of thing. Since her cantankerous, arthritic knees doesn't allow her to kneel, (Dang! No begging!) she decided to sit on a small table. This way she could get down low enough to snip whatever low-lying branches on our apple tree she found offensive. Why they were deemed offensive I'm not sure. They weren't drinking beer or passing gas or anything. Either way, the table she was using is an ugly thing, pretty much an 18 inch square piece of countertop bolted to some tubular aluminum legs.

As she sat on the table, on the spongy soil that sits sheltered from the hot sun thanks to the tree's lush foliage, one of the tubular legs of the table began to penetrate the damp soil like a stick in a marshmallow. Cupcake immediately realized her ship was listing heavily to starboard but was unable to do anything about it given the aforementioned state of her knees.With arms and legs flailing about askew and akimbo like a lady bug flipped on its back, Cupcake slowly, inexorably ended up dumped unceremoniously on the ground.

I suppose I might have handled things differently. I could have tried to contain my amusement and show concern and compassion for my partner of 27 years. Unfortunately, rather than rushing to the aid of my poor, vulnerable, loving wife, I was busy being convulsed in hilarity. The look of shock, indecision and embarrasment on her face was beyond hysterical. I guffawed my guts out. The only thing that would have made the scene better was if we'd caught it on video.
That night, preparing to sleep on the couch, I realized that I should consider alternative strategies to my discredited 'laughing my face off' approach to helping Cupcake in a time of personal crisis. This was particularly made the next day when Karma paid a visit.

Once more, Cupcake and I were puttering outside. When we stopped for a break, we went inside our gazebo and I flounced onto one of our comfy, padded patio chairs. Suddenly I experienced the greatest sinking feeling I've had for years. It was like being on a dentist chair when he lowers it to let you escape. What was causing my change in altitude was the aluminum legs on the patio chair decided to give up the ghost and began splaying out like a squashed cartoon spider, albeit one with just four legs. I ended up on the floor of the gazebo unable to extricate myself from my awkward position.

Cupcake's face contorted into the very picture of mirth. Her eyes crinkled up like a chip bag in the firepit. She began making the oddest trilling noise until she finally dissolved completely into a five minute giggle fit. Very unseemly, I thought from my low-level vantage point. She didn't care. She was getting hers back in spades.

And so it goes with Karma. You reap what you sow. It is beneficial in life to be nice and kind with no expectation of gain. In other words, we should all strive to be good for nothing.