Being sadly ill-equipped to discuss political culture, pop culture or even a bacterial culture, my list contribution is a review my own 2010 personal “bucket list”. A bucket list is an inventory of all the things I’d like to do before I “kick the bucket”. (Gulp!) The term was popularized by a movie starring Jack Whats-His-Name and that other guy. (I told you pop culture wasn’t my strong suit.)
To begin with, let’s review the items I have already checked off in 49 years on the planet.
Graduate High School: CHECK. Go to college: CHECK. Get a decent job: CHECK. Get lucky: Not so far this year but I’m hoping.
Granted it’s a rather meagre list, however, it is nothing like what I plan to do! Here is my own personal bucket list and the progress I’ve made towards attaining them.
Go hang gliding. Perhaps the closest thing to flying there is (other than drinking the 190 proof Everclear I bought at the liquor store for the eggnog. The high-test hooch had numerous warning labels; one regarding blindness and four others concerned with catching yourself on fire with it. Wow.) My hang gliding preparation, so far, consists mainly of watching the occasional video. I realize I’d probably have to wear some kind of adult under-garment but I can dream, can’t I?
Go into space. So far the Canadian Space Agency has yet to call (I can’t believe it, either.) but Cupcake still insists that even at my age, I qualify as a space cadet. In fact, she has even said I’ve had space in my head for as long as she’s known me. Then she giggled.
Lose weight permanently. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah. Right.
Get my finances in order. My current system involves writing cheques on payday until I get nervous. Then I wait until next payday to write some more. Okay, so maybe “system” is too strong a word for it.
Go on “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” to flog my book. one: write book.
Meet celebrities. So far, the most famous person I’ve ever met was Leduc Mayor, Greg Krischke. Well.... it’s a start. I’ll never forget His Worship’s parting words to me the last time I saw him. He said, “Get off my lawn, you weirdo or I’ll call the cops.”
Figuring out Cupcake. Nothing concrete so far, as it’s kind of a moving target. The only facets of her complex character I have uncovered that I can be 100% certain of, 100% of the time, are that she likes chocolate and jewellery.
Understanding my sons. If I wore my hair like that as a kid, I’d have been beaten up. It is kind of tragic, I think, that nowadays, no matter what you do to your hair, nobody gives it a second glance. Kind of defeats the purpose of having a pink and purple Mohawk. I may as well go back to my brush-cut.
Spend a week at the Smithsonian Institute. Am I boring or what?
Go snorkelling at a coral reef. Of course I’d want armed guards, a shark cage and numerous applications of shark repellent. I saw the movie “Jaws” back when it didn’t look so hokey.
Do something spontaneous. This one is so difficult to plan.
Watch the Oilers win the Stanley Cup. Cupcake bought me socks for Christmas with Oiler logos on the ankles. They were really good for a while but then they just sucked. Then they were okay for a little bit then they had a really bad run...
Sample beer from every country. Not all in one night, of course.
Win the Stephen Leacock award for humour. Okay... any award for humour. Any award, actually. Something. Jeez.
Watch all the greatest movies of all time. Important, ground-breaking masterpieces like “Citizen Kane”,
“Gone with the Wind”, “Debbie Does Dallas”...
I have others but space prohibits my ability to share them. Plus, I don’t want Cupcake to read a couple of choice ones. (Woohoo!) Whatever your own bucket list consists of, however, I hope you check off a few in 2010. Just remember the wise words of George Bernard Shaw, “There are two tragedies in life; one is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
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