My sad delusions of grandeur aside, in the Harpo Productions announcement, company president, Tim Bennet said they are planning on an end date of September 2011. He didn't specify why they were announcing it almost two years down the road. I'm sure they want to allow people time to get mentally prepared for the enormous crater left in their lives at her departure. Bennet didn't mention if they were looking for a younger, shapelier Oprah to fill those giant shoes (Size 14, at least) or if Oprah's clone was finally old enough to take over the show. He did, however, hint that further details will be available in the official press release, Friday and on “ET Tonight” for the forseeable future. Why the program was being wound down (wound up?) wasn't mentioned as the short article was even shorter on details and didn't even address if she jumped or was pushed. My money's on jumping.
Of course, money's no object for Ms. Winfrey. According to sources (I think I read somewhere) the daytime TV maven is, not only the richest self-made woman in America, she is the wealthiest black person ever. EVER! She has a bigger annual income than half the countries in the United Nations. She could buy anything she could ever want, other than being effortlessly thin.
But she's EVERYWHERE! I groaned audibly in the lineup at Sobey's the first time I saw Oprah's “O” magazine. I figured she either had an ego the size of Mount Trudeau or her accountants had decided she hadn't quite saturated the market. They should know, too, since they prepare and package Ms. Winfrey in every concievable way. I mean, you can buy Oprah jewellrey and Oprah fragrances (Eau De Talk Show Host) and other Oprah this and that. I'm surprised there isn't a line of Oprah power tools. In pink.
I did a little investigative-type journalism and “googled” Oprah Winfrey. The miraculous instant-info machine coughed up 9,330,000 “hits”. By contrast, I got four. They were about my son, Chris Jr.
Nonetheless, besides being a TV show, two magazines, five books, a multi-billion dollar business and a myriad of other things, Oprah is also a website; www.Oprah.com. (Of course.) This is only because it didn't occur to her IT people to create their own domain. This way, they could have called it Oprah.oprah. The website is full of, guess what? Oprah.
I find it interesting that I have come to know about Oprah without ever once having watched an episode of her show. I've seen bits here and there... mostly Tom Cruise jumping on her couch and teeheeing like he'd taken a trip through the giggly-weeds. But she's on during the day when I'm at work and our paths never cross. Not that I watch her when I'm home on a weekday, obviously. Daytime TV? Are you kidding? I couldn't take it even when I was hopped up on morphine following my hip op.
Still, without being exposed to the creepily powerful TV show, I still manage to see her everywhere else, getting interviewed, making speeches and being filmed, photographed and followed like some ill-fated English princess. Despite the throngs of paparazzi hacks she must wade through just to... I don't know... go uptown for bread and milk or whatever celebrities go uptown for, it isn't nearly adequate. I am almost convinced “O” and “O at Home” magazines were created because they couldn't guarantee her smiling face on the covers of the National Enquirer and other magazines of that stature often enough to sate the Harpo machine's lust for media exposure. Apparently they won't be satisfied until she's on the cover of every single magazine sold around the world from Psychology Today to Canadian Bow Hunter.
This just in... (writing a column a week in advance sucks in the immediacy department) according to her website, Ms. Winfrey claimed the reason behind her earth shaking announcement is because it “feels right in my bones”. Well, I'm not one to argue with her bones, either. I'm just not into arguing with anything bigger than me. This whole bone thing does seem rather vague, however. When politicians quit, they always say they “want to spend more time with their families”. When actors end their long-term shows it's always to “go out on top” or to “quit before it gets repetitive” or “nobody watches it anymore”.
Not Oprah. She consults calcium. Her femur told her it was time to hang them up, although rumour has it, her tibia thought she should wait a few more years.
Stay tuned, Opraholics. I suspect this story won't be going away any time soon. Nor will Oprah.
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